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When it rains it pours

As I laid listening to the rain and hearing the soft warming melody of a heartbeat which was not mine. My mind dwelled in the room and my soul spoke to my still body. Speak now, say it - it is time…the moment slipped.

How do you break a balloon careful inflated with one prick of a small sharp pin? The sound of the explosion of that balloon will deafen you and leave you with nothing but an echo of disbelief and your eardrums senseless to sound and uncomfortably painful to the core.

Since when has another taken the shine of importance and the confidence of being able to speak proper and write proper? Same as asking Marlboro lights or filters and constraints rather than restraints and that is not even close to the more unexplainable disabilities that come when overwhelmed with the presents of such mighty beautiful mind.

Defeating doubt is a grate release from a huge burden. It is no longer an iceberg … it has now been broken. Hope not , that I somehow have become aloof. If one can point a finger at themselves first before judging the next is it not sensuous to forgive myself first before expecting to be understood and forgiven by another?

Last night as I was watching TV under my covers in the late hours of the night scared to think and too hopeless to dream, a programme called Precious Africa was playing and the presenter of the show is Precious a 20 year old Xhosa girl who is a designer/entrepreneur/youth icon and celebrity. At that age Precious has a brilliant mind and self-worth that can not be altered by anyone on this earth. I sometimes watch her touring show but last night she uttered words as if directly speaking to me. She is well gifted I must say and ndimqhwabela izandla!

She said in defining words that one of her guests on the show (actually she becomes the guest in the tour, I believe- because she goes to their turf and not the other way around). “I couldn’t understand why he kept on saying “I attract my own kind” because every time I asked him a question regarding the people who have helped him get to where he is today and the wonderful beings that he associates with, he would simply say “ I attract my own kind”… I understand it now, I hear what he meant. He means that what ever you see out there looking at you, the people that become close to you, your smart wonderful friends and with their beautiful intellects are a reflection of who you are.” This adds and compliments one of my treasured memory theories between me and my marclar; that in order for the universe to love you and for you to be able to give love to another; you as your own being have to love yourself and accept who you are before being able to offer that to another.

Well, we live in a strange but yet obvious world. If you attract crazies, idiots and maniacs in your world- lol, there’s nothing wrong with you or that, it simply shows that there are those elements in your being, in your life, your personality and your many characters.

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